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Could there be anything more difficult than preparing for a funeral? Certainly, such an end-of-life event is hard to look forward to with any great enthusiasm. It doesn't matter if you're a member of the deceased’s family, co-worker, neighbor, or family friend. Preparing can take time and forethought.
If you're going to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the following tips and suggestions can certainly help in your funeral preparations. If you have any questions, we would be more than happy to assist you in any way we can.
The death of a loved one is among the most stressful experiences we will endure. The early days of bereavement is when nerves are frayed, emotions run high, and hours of restful sleep are hard to find. These difficult days are then followed by the funeral services where you're often expected to appear at gatherings and socialize with those in attendance despite your grief. Here are some suggestions we believe you'll find valuable.
Maintain a state of "mindful awareness."
The tendency when something bad happens to us, like the death of a loved one, is to detach from our physical, emotional and social selves. This effort to separate ourselves from what's happening isn't always in our best interest. Instead, seek to be "mindful" by keeping your awareness on the present moment and acknowledging your feelings, thoughts, and physical reactions to your loss.
Monitor your physical health.
The list of physical symptoms related to grief is long: fatigue, body aches and pains, loss or change of appetite, shortness of breath, digestive issues, feelings of heaviness, and tightness in your throat or chest. When faced with physical symptoms like these, remember to stay hydrated, eat regularly, rest or keep active as needed, and delegate to give yourself space to process your grief.
Reach out to support networks.
Neighbors, friends, and family members can be a powerful lifeline, and some of them may even seek you out to see how they can help. Don't turn these offers away. Instead, allow people to walk this path with you for as long as, and in whatever ways, they can. The same goes for a network of professional caregivers. Don't neglect to turn to clergy, your family physician, a therapist, or grief counselors if you believe your bereavement to be more than you can handle.
Prepare to listen.
End-of-life ceremonies offer those gathered the chance to share their feelings, tell stories, and take comfort from one another. Don't spend too much time talking, unless it's to contribute something truly meaningful. Instead, be ready to listen with a whole heart. This is a time for respectful interactions with other mourners, focusing on the life of the deceased, and renewing the ties which brought you all together in the first place.
Also known as social graces, the rules of etiquette ease us through challenging social situations. Most of us know how to behave in common circumstances but unless you've been to a lot of funerals, you may not know the rules of proper behavior in this situation.
Although many believe that formal, black clothing is the right choice for a funeral, wearing a color isn't necessarily seen as disrespectful. That being said, you will want to avoid brightly-colored or wildly-patterned fabrics unless actually requested to do so by the family.
No one expects you to say more than a few words, and bereaved family members are often unable to give you their full attention anyway. Keep it short and make it sincere. If you do have time, you might want to share a personal story about a time you shared with the deceased, but watch closely for signs that your audience needs to move on to receive condolences from other funeral guests.
If you're unsure about what actions to take when being led by a pastor or celebrant, simply follow along. If you're not comfortable, don't draw attention to your unwillingness to participate. Be discrete and respectful of others, and always silence your cell phone prior to the services.
Much like any other social event, a funeral service can present us with unique challenges. Here's a short list of things you can expect:
Pivotal life moments, like funerals, are very emotionally-charged. That means you can certainly expect to find people crying at a funeral. It's always helpful to remember to bring a travel pack of tissues with you. However, the funeral home staff will also have access to tissues if you—or the person seated next to you—has a need to wipe their eyes.
The funeral officiant will make it clear when the funeral service is over. They will invite the the immediate family and close friends to leave the building first. Unlike at the end of a theater performance, people don't simply stand up and walk out. Instead, they wait for the rows in front of them to empty before stepping out into the aisle.
Guests and family may collect outside the location for some quiet conversation. If you are now ready to leave, do your best to say a sincere goodbye to the bereaved family and make a quiet, discreet exit.
If you instead choose to follow the hearse and casket to the cemetery or crematory, you'll be given clear directions by members of the funeral home staff.
After departing a funeral service, you may consider making a note to yourself to contact the bereaved family in the next week or so. Offer them some time to talk about their loss, and if you're willing, make a few suggestions about chores and other errands you could do for them. Know that even if they decline your offer, they'll be delighted to know you're thinking of them enough to connect.
Note: All of our locations are a Funeral Establishment - Class 1 License
Picton (FE-371) 33 Main Street West, Picton, ON K0K 2T0 Ph: 613-476-2450
Tweed (FE-484) 137 Colborne Street, Tweed, ON K0K 3J0 Ph: 613-478-3535
Madoc (FE-269) 112 Durham Street South, Madoc, ON K0K 2K0 Ph: 613-473-2833
Marmora (FE-272) 9 Bursthall Street, Marmora, ON K0K 2M0 Ph: 613-472-2531
Northcutt Elliott Funeral Home Limited (FE-049) 53 Division Street, Bowmanville, ON L1C 2Z8 Ph: 905-623-5668